Watching the sunrise on the beach one day last week was totally breath taking. I sit and I am in awe of what miracles God does each day and how He is EVERYTHING to me. In the beginning of this journey...the journey of life with out you, I was angry and taken back by God not saving you. All the people that prayed for you...they were all over the world praying in a moments notice...but still you were gone. I had so much anger that some how I talked myself into believing God failed me. I do not think that way any longer...in fact I know that God did not fail me...it was a matter of deception that took hold in you...a lie that was spoken to you that you took ownership of...yes you were young and such a good boy...you trusted so easily...that is a blessing and downfall my love. I cannot ever understand how adults can lie and deceive a child like that...but I do trust and know that everything will be held accountable by the MOST HIGH...our Father God. I worry not what will come of your death...I am proactive...I will bring beauty into this darkness...I will expose suicide for what it is...DECEPTION and DARKNESS. I will bring light to the darkness in HIS name...and yours my sweet boy.
I am having a hard time this week. I think knowing what you are suppose to be doing at this time is sinking in. I think about what dad and I had planned a little over a year ago for your graduation present. I think about you and Chris Atkinson going and getting a place of your own eventually...I think of so many things I will never get to see you do and it aches on the inside. I have hope though...some days I wish I did not know what I know, if that makes any sense...it is just a deep sadness that never really goes away. It stays with me...I never thought I could feel this sad and broken and still breath and live. I have lived on purpose. There were times where I just did not want to live through this horrid pain that seemed to be stealing my very soul. I will never understand all that happened with you...your last moments here...the panic in my heart and spirit when I could not find you that morning. I knew something was really wrong but I never imagined. I wish you could of talked to us that day. I loved you and still do and would trade my life with you if I could. You are so missed Chris. Your death has brought so many ends to many aspects of our lives. It is so true that things taht were once standing have faded away...things that were strong are weak...things that were weak are stronger...God I miss you son. Dad cried so hard on your birthday...I called him at work and he lost it...it has been hard on him too. He loved you so much. I miss you...
Missed you espcially today. It was your birthday. Happy 17 by the way. I know you were with me today. I could almost see you smiling. I got my license today. And you would have too. Made me sad looking back to what might have been today if you were here. Mom really missed you. I knew every second of today she was thinking of you. Aunt TeTe as well. Each I gaze and see in the face of reality. Beyond the window of eternity. Lokking back I'll never know what you'll be tomorrow. Could I have been? Where was I? No words of comfort can console the unfailing sorrow. In the hope of leaving this fragile body I will know. The thoughts that will bring to rest my soul. --- Love you Chris. Forever will you remain. Sis
Your son Christopher is a fine and handsome young man. You have built a beautiful memorial site. I am truly sorry for your loss and pain. Sorry even myself after 12 years on this road has no clue what to say.
I do not think I can understand where the time has gone. My mind has been literally shut down for months. Coping with what must be coped with because it involves my family. Chris I miss you so much and will never understand the "why" of it all. Each breath I take is a bit better than the last...how I miss you. I miss your laugh and smile. I crave your voice...to hear you once again would be a treasure. No one can fathom the lost we feel if they have not lost a child to suicide. It is a terrible way to lose your child. Those that judge us will be judged...I pray for mercy for them. I think you would be shocked Chris at who is left in our lives. People have taken on a whole new persona and it is the strangest feeling. We have every right to have changed and be a mess...close friends whom were close are now a distain memory. I am sure I have changed too...but some cannot see why. I wish I could of been more for you. I wish I could of been all that you needed. I did my best and I do not blame myself. I feel for the people who misled you and I pray for their souls. I cannot understand to this day why these people did what they did. You too made a choice son...a choice to die and leave us. I understand why...I just will never really KNOW why. I do not think for a moment you wanted to die. Your family misses you and I am sure you have had glimpses of our sadness...I know you are with God the Father but it does not change the fact it hurts you are gone. You would be graduating on Friday. Wow. High school completed by your 17 birthday and 1 year of college under your belt. You would have and could have been anything and everything. We will never see any of our first with you. Some people tell us to get over it...some people try and tell us they know we are hurting but the cannot...not unless their child took their life with out a rhyme or reason. They will never get the jest of our pain and grief. Shame on them for thinking they can. I think the worst for me was trying to bring you back and making you better. It is a misery to know NOTHING you do...no matter how hard you pray or try...it just will not bring you back. The day you shot your self was the worst of the days...knowing we prayed for hours.... begged for hours for God to bring you back...was such a day that I wish not to ever go back to. BUT it is carved with in my heart always. Not to scar me but to remind me of what other moms and dads might face with their children...to be available...to support and love...to KNOW what it is like...to NEVER judge another human being again. To sit and be still, to hear in my heart what is and what is to come... To rely and trust on HIM and never take another thing for granted again with my children. In your death son I have become STRONG, COURAGEOUS, and FREE. I will never be put in a box again. I will never allow myself to be controlled again. I will stand in the faith and hope of our Father God and live for him. I will not seek after man...but Him and Him alone. I will NOT let poison destroy me...ever. I will remove people from my life who hinder my growth...I will embrace the ones that are unlovable in prayer. In your death Chris I am commissioned to live...lives my life like tomorrow will never come. Wow. Thank you son for the chance to take you in and love you and remember you as my oldest son. You are and always will be a treasure to me. I miss you…Forever yours, in my heart always love Mom
Christmas with out you... / Granny
I have spent much time in the past at the beach where we went to honor your memory yesterday-but never one so sad, yet having such a peace feeling your presence. I had to watch the balloons until it seemed you just reached out & took them out of the sky. Tears, pain, sorrow. I miss you and each day is not ever going to be the same. And Christmas had a piece missing today,but yet the feeling of "Lo, I am with you always" is so strong around each thought of you. I miss you Chris and will love you always. Close
A moment with Chris... / Chelle Wilkinson (Mom)
I was sitting here looking at the website that I created for Chris...looking at the pictures and how they turn from one to the next...as I am looking at them and crying to the point where I cannot see (almost)...they stop turning... :shock: It stopped on my favorite picture of Chris...with Gracie...the one in his shirt...he is SMMILING like he never smiled...this one he is so free and it is my favorite. I say in my mind that "oh that is my favorite" and it stopped when I did say that. It lingered for about a minute and then I was laughing...because I felt him...I felt him...I felt Chris right at that moment...and I hear in my heart, mind and soul him saying "I am here" I feel a wee bit leery saying it...but I felt him. I was saying before that how much I missed him...since I woke, he has been my first thought...and he will be my last thought. Close
Many thoughts and prayers this week as always. / Linda Irwin (Chelle's friend from Womens-place )Read >>
Many thoughts and prayers this week as always. / Linda Irwin (Chelle's friend from Womens-place )
My heart aches for you this week Chelle, Tim and family. May the Lord bring you peace in knowing that Christopher is celebrating the Saviors birth in the most wonderful place this year. Are earthly hearts and minds cannot fathom but soon we will be together again. May your hearts be comforted and at peace as you keep on pressing on. Everyday let the Lord draw you closer rather than pushing Him out in pain. Let the tears flow and know that you did a great job! And because of the life you gave your son, you will forever be in glory with him! Thank you Jesus. I won't stop praying. Close
ONE MOM TO ANOTHER / DEBBIE JASON'S MOM (POS)Read >>
ONE MOM TO ANOTHER / DEBBIE JASON'S MOM (POS)
CHELLE.... What a handsome young man! He must have been such a joy! My heart goes out to you and your family.
Heartfelt love,grace and Shalom peace to you today Tim & Michelle / Diane Doyle (Aunt)Read >>
Heartfelt love,grace and Shalom peace to you today Tim & Michelle / Diane Doyle (Aunt)
Heartfelt love, grace and Shalom peace to you Tim, Michelle, Beccah, Anthony, Gracie, Reignah,James & Kenny. Love, Aunt Diane & Uncle Joey... Close
We love you and weep for you / Jen W. (W-P friend )Read >>
We love you and weep for you / Jen W. (W-P friend ) Chelle, Tim, and kids...
There is absolutely nothing I can say or write that will make you feel better. I am at a total loss for words, but am going to try to get the words out.
Please just know that all of us at Women's Place feel like you are our family. We have become a family, thanks to you. We all want to run down there and do anything we can to help you, hold you, hug you , cry for you, cry with you, pray for you. We will hold you in our thoughts and prayers tonight and for the days, weeks, months, years to come.
We love you and weep for you. God be with all of you during this tragic time. I pray that He gives some sort of comfort.
pray for peace / Krcit (W-P freind ) Chelle, Tim and family, I have no words. My heart is broken for all of you. I will pray for peace and strength for all of you at this unimaginable time.Close
sadness.../ Connie R. (Chelle's friend ) My heart just sank. Oh my gosh, I am so sorry Chelle and Family, I cannot even come close to imagining losing my girls. I'm so so sorry.
Prayers.../ Michelle (W-P member ) All of you are in my prayers, and will continue to be. May God grant you all peace soon. Close
you are loved and prayed for. / Rea T. (w-p member and freind )Read >>
you are loved and prayed for. / Rea T. (w-p member and freind ) (((Chelle, Tim and family))) I know there are no words that can ease your pain, nothing we can say to 'make it all better'. Just know that you are loved and prayed for.Close
Bless you all. / Mommyof1x2 (W-P member ) CHELLE, TIM & FAMILY ~ I am sooooo very sorry of the loss of your precious son. Many prayers and all my thoughts to you all during this devastating time. May the memory of Christopher bring you much joy and happiness as you think of him often. Bless you all.Close
Praying/ Katie (W-P member and friend ) (((Chelle and Tim and family))))) I am so very sad for you today and praying for all of you in this tragic time. Words just are never enough, I am so sorry. Close
your tremendous loss / Stefanie (W-P and friend )Read >>
your tremendous loss / Stefanie (W-P and friend ) Chelle and family,
I am so sorry to hear about your tremendous loss. My heart is breaking for you. Know that I am lifting you all up in prayer. I pray that you find comfort knowing that your beautiful boy is with our Heavenly Father now.
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